All of these things happened this week, and many more that I can think of. Welcome to being a mom.
My friend Kirsten wrote a great post HERE about how much you should share about what goes on in motherhood, and simply just life as well. Is it ok to be really honest and open about the rough days, the poop, the crying, and the meltdowns (your own and your kids), or should we put on a happy/perfect face all the time? I have been doing a lot of reading, thinking, praying, talking about this very thing lately, and so Kirsten, I am adding to your post with my thoughts.
I am reading a book right now called Loving the Little Years, Motherhood in the Trenches, and although really simple, it is so profound and real. This woman Rachel is HONEST! She tells you how hard it is, and on the other hand, tells you how much she needs help to do it. She has five kids under five, with twins in the mix, so she definitely knows what she is talking about. She also wrote a great article Motherhood is a Calling and I will just warn you now, don't read it if you don't want to be honest about life to others :)
I am realizing slowly something about life. I stink at doing it by myself. It is not possible. Whether you have kids or not, are married or not, whatever place you are in life, you cannot doing it alone. We need help.
There is something so awesome about calling up a friend and telling them about how crazy things have been or hard, and then end up laughing on the phone. Or venting about how tired you are, and then finding out that you got more sleep than someone else and you should be grateful. Or even just being honest with your kids about how you are having a bit of a rough moment, and can they be patient with you. Or do what I do a lot, tell Jesus about it straight up, don't worry, He can handle it.
I usually err on the side of being too honest about my life. I have had people tell me before that I seem as if I am "venting" a lot on facebook, or ask me if I am ok quite a bit because of a post I made, or something I said. I have even had people question why I had kids because it seems so hard for me. It is hard. But what part of life isn't? If there is something in life that is not hard, sign me up!
Here's the deal. I am a verbal processor, as well, I have a humor quota that need to be filled every day. Both those things are accomplished by talking about my life, problems, the good stuff, etc, and then also, finding a way to keep on keepin on with a smile on my face at the end of it.
I think there is a balance and I am working on finding that. But I think we need to all learn to talk about life, and to listen to others do the same. It is very easy to get isolated as a mom, and sharing about my struggles and triumphs is what keeps you connected, and also, not feeling quite so crazy.
So, here's a toast to being honest...I am going to go brush my teeth now for the first time today (and maybe tomorrow I will dust my house, since it has been a
More thoughts tomorrow :)
4 comments:
oh girl...i feel you. i read that motherhood is a calling article a month ago or so and was really challenged by it. having small kids is HARD!! i agree about being honest, and i have struggled lately with the difference between being honest and not grumbling and complaining all the time. it's a fine line. thanks for sharing your heart!
thank you for sharing that cousin! i felt like if people had honestly shared more when i had emily, i would have felt better. i thought i was all alone feeling so tired and wonderding what happened to my life but being profoundly happy at the same time. motherhood is hard and one of the most humbling jobs imaginable. your kid doesnt care what your degree is in or what brand they have on or how much is in your bank account. they just need their needs met (right now!) and that's hard. Its never endind but something you would never take back. Love you cousin! mk
I always try to remember that when our kids are grown and have families of thier own we will look back on these days at "The Good Ole Days", and that really helps me cherish even the tough stuff. Stuff that I will laugh about later even though it tries to bring me to tears today!
Oh, and if this makes you feel better, I typically only get 2 baths a week and get to wash my hair 1 time a week, and sometimes go for days without looking in a mirror, putting on makeup or even brushing my hair. You would think I would have pics to send Kiki for my hair, but it looks the same pretty much brushed or not - lol. A far cry from getting ready every morning for work.
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