WAY overdue for pics

I started this blog in the first place so my in-laws and out of town family and friends who are not on facebook could see the boys, so here you go :)

WOW :)

Blaine and I were talking this weekend about how I sometimes struggle with having a bad attitude about life (gotta love the honest people in your life :) I really just took it in for a few minutes and then a huge thought came to my mind. Let me see if I can explain this with words.

If I am having a rough day, or am tired, or bust open my lip because I run into the pantry door :), or whatever it is that day, I always feel the need to be "honest" about it to other people. Not that it is ever a bad thing to be honest about the tough things that we go through. And I will always be that way, and hope it encourages people to see me broken and then trust in God to be there. BUT...I realized that I feel a need to let other people know what is going on so that I can be in a bad mood, or be more snappy or whatever. Like I need to justify to others the reason that I am having a bad attitude one day.

I can say, "I was up all night with Hudson" on a status or to a friend on the phone, and then the rest of the day I can act tired or moody and no one will think it is bad that I am not nice :) Or I can say, "My boys have the flu" and I will get all kinds of sympathy and I can use that as a way for everyone to know that I am having a rough time. Not any of it is bad to have my friends be there for me, but I am seeing now that I WANT others to know what I am going through, so I can act the way I feel and they will not just think I am being a jerk.

Well, the thing is, this theory of mine is off, WAY OFF. And I did not know that or understand it until this weekend. My friend Hannah gave me this awesome journal that you are supposed to write down what you feel like Jesus is speaking to you with a red pen. I have always journaled, but it has always been about what is going on in my life..."I had a rough day...God please help this...etc." Well this way, it is about what He is showing you and listening to that still small voice. I kept waiting for this really profound long paragraph or something to write down. For a whole week I kept praying and waiting and nothing. And then He said it...

"I DO...I SEE IT..."

Not anything else, yet the perfect words to lead me to a new conclusion about my life and how I walk every day in it. You see, He sees it all. He knows about it, and He cares, and really, it does not matter if no one else does.

He sees it when I am up for two hours trying to get Hudson to sleep. He sees it when I feel like every day I am too tired to function. He sees it when my boys are pushing all my buttons and only grace is getting me through. He sees it when my friends who are missionaries are working behind the scenes to lead others to Christ. He sees it when my mom is in pain every day. He sees it when my brother and Aimee are working tirelessly on their home. He sees it when you have lost a child, or cannot conceive one, or have a child that is not exactly the way as you had planned He sees it when marriages are on the rocks. He sees it when some of you are lonely, or sick, or sad, or just wanting to quit. HE SEES ME, AND HE SEES YOU!!!

I can rejoice and walk in joy because He knows what I am going through and gives me the strength to walk it out. Even if no one else ever knew that I struggle, He does. And when I walk in His grace and joy and have a peace in who He is, that is a testimony to His power. Not that the rough stuff goes away, but it becomes more bearable somehow. Misery likes company, and it sure feels good to have others feel sorry for you.

I hope this is coming across right. I will always be transparent in my life, but I think now it will be more about how He is bringing me through stuff and giving me the grace to walk in it, then it is about complaining, and venting. Make sense?

If you made it this far, wow...this was a lot of reading. I will leave you with a song that has been penetrating my heart the last few days...wow!
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At Your Feet (Casting Crowns)

Here at Your feet, I lay my past down
My wanderings, all my mistakes down
And I am free

Here at Your feet, I lay this day down
Not in my strength, but in Yours I’ve found
All I need, You’re all I need

Jesus, Jesus, at Your feet
Oh, to dwell and never leave
Jesus, Jesus, at Your feet
There is nowhere else for me
There is nowhere else for me

Here at Your feet, I lay my future down
All of my dreams, I give to You now
And I find peace, I find peace
Here at Your feet, I lay my life down
For You my King, You’re all I want now
And my soul sings…

‘Cause I am free (here at Your feet)
All I need (is at Your feet)
I find peace
We’re at Your feet
We’re at Your feet

And I am free (here at Your feet)
All I need (is at Your feet)
I find peace
We’re at Your feet
We’re at Your feet
We’re at Your feet
We’re at Your feet

Here at Your feet
I lay my life down