Had a rough week

So not sure if this is even appropriate to some to be sharing, but I am learning that it is important for me to be honest, vulnerable, and real. I know that scares some people, and maybe even offends others, but I would rather that be the case to a few, and it minister and encourage the rest.

This past week or so has been one of the hardest I have ever known. If you would have asked me a week ago if I would be typing this, I would not believe you. Blaine and I found out a few weeks ago that we were expecting our third baby. I was beyond excited (once I got over the shock of a crazy house :P) and already started making plans. I was convinced it was a girl for some reason, and already had a pink baby hat picked out and set aside for her. I was going to be due the end of March.

I say this all in past tense because about a week later we lost the baby (over this past weekend). It is an avalanche of emotions all at once, and some I never thought I would have. I have always heard that this is really common and happens to a lot of women, but I just assumed like most that I would avoid it. I got really attached really quickly, and then had to let go so soon. I feel like I knew something was wrong from the beginning, but I did find myself trying to pretend like I thought everything was going to be ok. In a sense, of course it is ok, but not in the sense that I was hoping.

I would by lying to you if I said that I have not mourned this loss, but in so many ways, I have found joy as well. God has been showing me so much of Himself, and allowing me to have sweet times with Him just loving me. This has DRAMATICALLY altered my perception and sensitivity to a lot of things. I would give anything to be nauseated, and tired right now, and yet I complained through both my last pregnancies every day. Now I realize that every moment that I felt sick was really a time to cherish. Also, I get frustrated as a mom so much at my boys. It makes me see that even those times when Hudson is sitting on the kitchen table eating all the brownies, or Noah is getting up in the middle of the night every night wanting to crawl into bed with us, that I should be grateful. They are a gift.

I have friends that have tried to get pregnant and cannot, friends that have lost babies early on, as well as later, friends that have lost loved ones very close to them. I have never had these happen to me. Now I feel a new understanding (although different) of that pain, and it allows me to see things in a new way. The strength that these people show is humbling to say the least and convicts me to have strength when things are hard with anything in life.

I would say that is the greatest thing I am learning, that He really does come through. Not that I ever really truly doubted it before, but it is such a confirmation that He is here and constant, That His GRACE is sufficient. That He is still in control when things are hard, bad, confusing, chaotic. He DOES NOT CHANGE! Romans 8:38,39 "For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

I am grateful for this and really am at the place that I can praise Him. It has altered me forever. Although, I cannot guarantee that when I see cute little pink hats I won't get a little teary :) But I hope to always remember and so I would not change it, it keeps me needy and I want to live my life that way always. On my knees...

Ummm, wow I am speechless!

If you have ever wanted to coupon, or do a little research and save some money, but thought that it really did not matter, listen up! If you will take a little time and read blogs, and cut a few coupons, and do some research, you will find that we are spending WAY too much money on things. Just tonight here are the two things that I got.

The first was that at the end of July most Target stores will mark down a lot of their toys for 75% off (one of mine by my house was picked over, the other had TONS!) and I found this tip at Passion for Savings and Couponing101. I spent 96$ and get this SAVED 227.29$!!!!!!!! Meaning, had I paid full price for all the toys I bought, i would have spent over 300 hundred dollars. Now I have toys for the boys for Christmas, the next birthday, and all of their friends birthdays (if you look closely in the pic, you might see your kids next gift :P)

Next I found a coupon for layering tanks at Old Navy for 2$ a piece, when they are usually 8.50$. Found this tip at I Still Hate Pickles, thanks Kirsten!

All this to say, take the time to look into it, I would say, saving money is a bit easier than I had ever thought :)

:)

Still kicking

I am still cleaning things, just at a bit slower pace...more pics to come soon :) Have a great Monday!

Let's just say I had better intentions than what actually happened, but if you know me at all, ANYTHING is progress. So here is one section of my kitchen that I tackled today. This has been my catch-all counter for a few months and it was making me crazy, borderline hoarder I even think. I am really proud of myself :) Hopefully on to more tomorrow!

Let's just say I had better intentions than what actually happened, but if you know me at all, ANYTHING is progress. So here is one section of my kitchen that I tackled today. This has been my catch-all counter for a few months and it was making me crazy, borderline hoarder I even think. I am really proud of myself :) Hopefully on to more tomorrow!

Before and After: Kitchen

I am working on the kitchen right now, as I was out of town yesterday, and missed it on Monday, so pics will be coming later :)

Before and After: Living Areas

Ok, so here is the real deal...and keep in mind, I am one of the messiest people alive, so I do now that my clean might be someone else's dirty, but I know that I am a work in progress :)

These first two are my back family room that is supposed to be no kid's stuff, so it started out a little cleaner.

These next three are the entry room/playroom/catch-all of the whole house

The boys were really enjoying mom getting everything out :P

And of course the boys had to get in on the action in the living room!

Ok, here is the entry room, and as you can see, I moved some furniture by myself, oops :P

Tomorrow is the master bedroom :) I will be gone most the day, so it won't happen until late tomorrow night, but anything is better than nothing, please join me in this quest if you would like :)

Cleaning challenge!

So my friend Kirsten at I Still Hate Pickles is doing this thing this week where each day you tackle one area of your home. Yesterday was kitchen and I did not read her post until almost the end of the day, so I did not get around to it, but let's just say....today's challenge was met and CONQUERED. I will leave you in suspense for a bit about how it looked before and after, as I am finishing it right now :P

Ummm, wow!

I just made homemade hot-pockets, and let's just say, the ones you buy in the freezer section should be burned in a huge fire. These on the other hand, were heaven. I made mine with half whole-wheat flour, and did three different fillings, chicken with ranch, swiss and spinach, bbq chicken with cheddar, and pepperoni and cheese. You can find the recipe at Our Best Bites!

This was after we ate the other ones, and sorry about the one with the hole, we were trying to find out what kind it was :)

Hudson approved!

Just cause :)

What I have been up to lately

Here are a few of my projects/time-stealers/yumminess things that I have been spending my time doing lately!

A new recipe I just had to try out (a lot of emphasis on the HAD)! These are cheesecake swirl brownies. Find the recipe at Domestic Dame

Both Blaine's and my phones were on the verge of breaking, mine was almost 4 years old. Needless to say, this is the new one i am TRYING to figure out...why can't they just make phones with a keypad and an answer button?

My cousin Stephanie is getting married in a few weeks, and I thought I would make her something sentimental for the big day...if you know her, don't tell please (I sure hope she does not see it early :P)

My lack of blogging

I have realized something...the reason that I do not write more is because I do not really like to make a post without pics (as those are always more interesting) and I do not like to download my pics all the time. I usually do it once or twice a month, which is about how often I update my blog. Also, it is not for lack of things going on in my brain, just that I forget to take the time to write them down. Realizing these two things I think will help me a bit, but I am not promising anything :P